My Racist Friend

Several of my friends turned into acquaintances. Many of them are good friends. One of them is racist.

I guess many of them are racist. But, I am talking about this particular friend. Because she’s a proud racist.

I call her a proud racist, because, she has a proper understanding of how racist she is. And, yet she doesn’t feel any remorse in being so.

Madhesi and Pahadi | मधेशी र पहाडी

There are different types of racism in different parts of the world. Minorities are suppressed by majorities in most places.

But, the one that we have here in Nepal is the racism between the “Madhesis” and “Pahadis“.

There are many ways you can define Madhesi to a person. But, he/she will take it in the way based on the skepticism they have about the race.

Pahadi is so simple to understand for the most. They call themselves native. I guess that’s fair to say in most cases. But, Madhesi is what people find hard to explain to make someone understand.

A kind of identity crisis, you can say.

It is more like “trying to wake up a person who is already awake”. So hard.

But, no matter how many times my racist friend wants me to explain about Madhesis, I always have the same explanation.

Madhesis | मधेशीहरू

Madhesis are referred to as the people (mostly living in Terai) of Nepal since immemorial or whose parents/grandparents or great-grandparents had moved from India to Nepal.

When I say people of Nepal. I do mean a citizen of Nepal.

But, that’s where my friend misses out.

“If your grandparents had come from India, then why don’t you call yourself a Bihari? Why do you make it difficult for me to understand? Why can’t you make it simple? Just call yourself Indian or Bihari.” My racist friend often says.

I try to explain to her: “I don’t call myself a Bihari/Indian. Because I’m not.”

She can’t help herself. “My other friends feel so comfortable to tell me: I’m Bihari. Even though they have been living in Nepal for so long. Why don’t you do the same?”

“If she has citizenship of Nepal, then I don’t think it would be legal for her to say that I’m Bihari.”

The argument continues.

The USA loves immigrants. So do UK, Australia, and several other countries.

But, not here in Nepal. I guess it will take some time.

Festivals and Religion

She is a good friend to talk with. I can tell so many good things about her and it can be longer than this post. But, I’d rather share with you how racist she is. 😉

While talking about the festivals, she said: “So, you don’t put tika in Dashain? Why do you say you celebrate it, then?”

Skepticism inside her kicks in and she again can’t understand whenever I’m explaining that we have different ways to celebrate these festivals.

I am not a very religious person but she makes me defend that the religion we share is the same: Hindu.

I tell her that there are different ways because my parents learned the ways from their parents. And that’s how it used to be celebrated where they grew up.

Talking about other racisms

However, the USA has some different sorts of racism issues. We all do know BLM events and Asian protests.

But, when you give it a thought, you will do realize that people in the USA as well say to Indians: “Go back to your country. Don’t pollute here.”

“Guys! He’s from China. A communist spotted!”

“Here’s a long nose! You’re jew, right?”

And, the deshbhakt Indians as well say: “Get out of our country, you Muslim.”

So, I guess it is fair to say, racism exists, where people exist.

Can I change her?

She has been racist for a very very long time I guess. It’s like people’s belief in God.

I don’t think I can free her thoughts from being racist.

So. I don’t even try.

She has appreciated how racist she is. I can see her feeling proud when I tell her, “you’re so racist”.

However, she does have a good understanding of when people can get hurt by the things she pours out about racism.

I have dealt with many more racist people since my childhood. Even though she strikes me as a good IQ person sometimes, she’s just subpar in being racist.

I believe racism is like a wound of a society. It can fester if we don’t take action for prevention/cure. Our society can be united, strong, and healthy if we have very very less or, no racism at all in the society.





2 responses to “My Racist Friend”

  1. Doc Quixote Avatar
    Doc Quixote

    A Point: Not all Madheshis have immigrated from India. Many Madheshis are living here since time immemorial.

    1. Dinesh Roy Avatar

      Thanks. Modified accordingly.

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